Round 2 with Mr. White Pants

If you haven’t read the “White Pants” post from a few months ago, do take a read, as this is the followup from what happened today!

(blue = boy; pink = girl, black = my thoughts)

He emailed me on POF

Hey there……still looking? (My profile name has “buscando” in it which is searching/looking in Spanish)
yup! :-)
It’s too bad guys don’t know how to assert themselves
Can you refresh my memory… I know we emailed, but don’t remember where it went from there!
Huh, I guess you must email alot of guys on dating sites???
Not especially! But, this site tends to be a lot that don’t go anywhere. So, I sometimes forget! (And, the POF mail search is non-existant)
How about we start fresh from this point forward, and do drinks at Capital Grill later.
I figured we had just lost touch or something, so continued…
OK! I’ll be coming from a wedding shower, so can meet you after, at around 6:30.
Ok. I will buy the drinks and pay the tip
That’s strange… I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone specify before the date if he’s going to no tipbe paying or not.  Not to mention detailing out about the tip.  Then, he must have realized he made a mistake in what he said, so he corrected…
U pay the tip
And, then it hit me that he was Mr. White Pants! So, I quickly searched through my text messages to find his name!
It’s David right?
Not soo forgetfull anymore are we?
Nope, now i remember everything. So, I won’t be meeting you.

My Thoughts:  Actually, it WAS classy of me!  I could have not said anything, and left you waiting there for me!  But, do you REALLY want to get into talking about what’s classy?  Telling me you fantasized about me while having sex with someone else — let’s see… is THAT classy?  Um, NOPE.  And, that you’re going to buy my drink but not pay for the tip — is THAT classy? NOPE it’s not!

My Response: Block user. No more mishaps with Mr. White Pants.

The 15 Minute Date

This guy actually started out pretty promising!  Here was his 1st email to me:

(blue = boy; pink = girl, black = my thoughts)

I noticed you were looking for some specifics in your profile and just thought I should get back to you.

1. Active and adventurous in spirit? Check!
2. Open, honest, fun, open to doing new things? Check!
3. Funny, intelligent, like the outdoors (not too crunchy)? Check!
4. Supportive, motivated, good listener, a get-up-and-go person? Check!
5. Someone who can plan, take care of someone every now and then? Check!
(also – I’m completely open to your requirement to having a Jewish home)

I have 43 things I am looking for in a parter. Someone who is adventurous is pretty high on my list and your charity bike ride sounds like a real adventure.

Would you be willing to complete my application? ;P

Wow!  First of all, he actually read my profile! (Just as an FYI, I didn’t list out all the items like that in my profile, but he combed through my essay and picked them out).  Big points there.  And, he seemed to meet what I’m looking for!

I was so excited when I got his email, that I actually IM’d him back instead of emailing.  I don’t think I’ve ever done that actually.  I really wished I kept a copy of the IM session, but here’s the gist:

Thanks so much for writing and taking the time to read through my profile! 

You’re welcome!

So, you are looking for 43 things in a woman? (I sort of assumed he was kidding about there actually being 43).  What are your top 3?

1. Someone caringNon-sensible shoes

2. Someone with a sense of style

3. Someone who likes to travel

Someone with a sense of style?  What do you mean by that?

I like women who like to be fashionable.  For example women who wear non-sensible shoes.

Really? Really, meaning “this is in your top 3 things”??  But, IM is tough, and it’s possible he’s being sarcastic.  I really didn’t know what the deal was!  But, still… potential Bad Sign #1

The rest of the conversation was totally normal, and we made plans to meet. I really prefer coffee or a drink as a first date, to minimize the time spent if it’s not right. And, I find that most guys do too, especially since they’re usually the ones paying.  But, he suggested dinner, so I said OK!

I showed up, and he was already sitting at the table.  He didn’t stand up to greet me, or even shake my hand.  Bad sign #2.  Then for the next 10 minutes, I sat there sweating because I had just walked from home and was still hot. He made no effort to get the waitress for me to order a drink (he had gotten there early, so already had a drink and a water). Bad sign #3.  During that 10 minutes, and after my drink finally came, the conversation was a total strain.

How is your week going so far?  Good. Did you do anything exciting?  Not really.

Have you been here before? No. Do you come to Brookline much? Sometimes.

He was just VERY awkward, and seemed like he was missing some social skills, including his bizarre stare. I was really dreading the next hour-plus that I’d be sitting there eating dinner with this guy. And, decided to do something I’ve never done before. I ended the date before we even ordered the food!

I decided that I’d rather do it quickly, rather than waste both of our time and money.

I know this is going to sound bad, but I know myself really well, and I just don’t see that we’re a good fit. And I don’t want to waste your time or money. So, I’d prefer to just end the date now.  

I put down $5 for the soda and left.

Poor guy. I know it must have sucked to hear that.  But, my guess is he was probably feeling the same thing.  And, hopefully was happy to know now, instead of after paying $50 for dinner, and wasting an evening.

What do you think of my decision to leave the date? Have you ever done that?  Or had that done to you?

Don’t Call Me Rach, But Text Me!

Background: Below is my first correspondence with “Jonah” from Plenty of Fish

(blue = boypink = girl, black = my thoughts)

A lot of people think I am Jew (my name is Jonah and I grew up in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, like [town] if you don’t know NYC)… how are you?

He’s referring to the “Jewish” in my profile.

Hi Jonah! Yes, many Jonah’s are Jewish, that’s true. It’s also one of my favorite names :-)
I’m good! I just got back from a long vacation to India and Nepal. Trip of a lifetime.
Are you having a good weekend?hello my name is
-Rachel- (yes, a very Jewish name!)

Notice my use of “Rachel”

Let’s meet, Rach. For coffee this morning ? 8, 9, 10 ?
Let me knows.

Why is it OK to just shorten my name without asking me?  Especially for a name that’s not shortened the majority of the time, like Jonathan to Jon.  Ask first. But, probably not before I even meet you!

Hi – Sorry today wasn’t a good day. How about another time this week? What works for you? Tues pm?

Again, notice my use of “Rachel”don't text me

Rach. Text me 212-555-1212
Can’t we write more in email? :-)

Or, said differently, “I don’t want to text you”. And, why so demanding?!?  Asking will probably get you further in life!

Sure we can do whatever you like ! I just figure it’s better to just meet, even if just for a few minutes. So much better than e-mail, no ? ttys 
Ok so let’s meet! When? :-)
Today ! Where are you during the day ? Just text it’s easier… 😉

See above… didn’t I say I didn’t want to text?  And, didn’t he just say “sure, whatever you like”?

Can’t today, how about tuesday night?
Done ! Text me and we’ll set it up !

Again with the texting?

Great! What time? Where? I’m in [town].
5:00? Meet at the T and we can decide from there. Is that easy enough for you ? Where are you going to be coming from ?

My Thoughts: I just think it’s rude to assume you can shorten someone’s name without asking!  Particularly when you don’t even know each other.  And, particularly for a name like Rachel — it’s not like it’s shortened the majority of the time, like Jon or Jeff!

Also, I have to say, requesting that we email instead of text isn’t that big of a request.  If you can’t accommodate my needs of something so simple and clear, I’m honestly not sure how you’re going to accommodate any more difficult needs in our future relationship!  :-)

Men switching from email to text is so common these days, and I am not a fan.  I text all the time, but don’t use it as a way to get to know someone!

My Response: We did end up going out, and it was pretty much a disaster. It ended with me walking out before the bill was even paid. I have NEVER done that before!  Take care, Jonah. And, please DON’T text me. -Rach-


Tape Measure

This is the first guest post on this site by a man!  Thanks Brett for submitting your story.  If you’d like to be next (women AND men!), see the Contribute page and complete the short form!

This is one of my favorite dating stories.  I am an over 6 foot tall Jewish man (not a lot of us out there).  A woman that I was chatting with on Jdate did not believe I was over 6 feet tall and tells me that all men lie about their height.   I understood that, if you were a man at 5’7 or so.   She asked me if it would be ok if she brought a tape measure to the date to measure my height.  I thought – a little bizarre – but – why did I care?  We get together for dinner and one of the first things she does is take out the tape measure and measures me penis measurement– I pass the height test.  The night goes on, we are having a good time, I am thinking to myself – nice, friendly, good looking, charitable, etc and then comes the awkward part of the date.   The question after – what do you do for work, family, travel, etc was “WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE?”

I answered her question “Size 15” and after that, I felt like she was looking at me as a piece of meat.

After talking about other things for a while she comes back to the shoe size thing again. The next questions are priceless – “Can I measure your feet?” – OK and the BIG question (lol) “Can I measure your…”

I think that most men would find this flattering and thinking…wow…I am getting lucky tonight.  That question quickly ended the date.   I paid for dinner and went home.

I have run into this woman at events and we do not talk – she looks at me, she looks at my feet, she looks at my groin, smiles and walks away.


Lacy Thong

Background: After communicating with “Jeff” for a few weeks on Plenty of Fish, I noticed this on his profile.

lacy thong interests

He must have added it and the other odd response (“what they make me feel pretty”),lacy thong
because I’m guessing I would have noticed both the first time!  So, just to confirm he wasn’t hacked, I asked…

lacy thong

My Thoughts: Um, no. Is that a “must-have” in your relationships, or can you be flexible on that?

My Response: See ya!

Someone in the House

Background:  A couple months ago, I went back and forth with “Richard” on for a few days, and we made plans to go to coffee at 6pm on Sunday. We texted a couple of time to confirm where we were meeting.

I got all prettied up and went to meet Richard at the local coffee shop.  I’m not the most on-time person (but I DO text if I’m running late), so for me to get there on time, and have no Someone in the Houseone waiting for me, was not a usual experience for me!  I sat down and waited.  And waited.

6:15pm, I texted, “Are you still coming?”

No response

6:30pm, I headed home.

6:36pm, he texted, “I have someone in the house. Surprise visit… sorry.”

6:45pm, I texted, “And you couldn’t have let me know so I wasn’t waiting for you for 1/2 hour?!? Don’t contact me again.”

My Thoughts: I got stood-up! That was one of the most inconsiderate things I’ve ever had happened.  There are so many ways he could have gotten in touch with me before I was waiting for him for 1/2 hour!  Even thinking that he possibly had another woman over… then go to the bathroom and text me! Also, if you blow someone off like that, I think it’s worthy of a phone call apology, or at least a more emphatic text “I’m really sorry… I lost track of time, I don’t know what I was thinking, can I make it up to you?…”

My Response: That’s it.  Don’t contact me again.  He texted and emailed me a couple more times, all just to say “hi” and no apology.  Even as most recently as last week. So, that’s it!  Your loss.

A Date at Pino’s…

This is the first guest post on this site!  Thanks Britteny for submitting your story.  If you’d like to be next (women AND men!), see the Contribute page and complete the short form!

A couple of years ago, I agreed to meet “Joe” for a date — we had met online. I thought it was a bad sign when he suggested we go to Pino’s on a Saturday night. (Pino’s is more or less a pizza joint, not to far from where I live.) It isn’t really a date place. Joe was quite socially awkward.

(blue = boy; pink = girl, black = my thoughts)pino's pizza

Do you have any siblings?
Yes. I have a brother
Is he married?
No. He has a girlfriend.
Does he have any children?
No I said, he has a girlfriend
Well, you can still have children even if you aren’t married

Yes, this is true, but I thought it was kind of an odd question to someone you don’t even know. 

Joe then proceeded to tell me how it is possible for a guy to have children and not even know it (yes, I thought – this was true, where is he going with this). He said that years ago, a girl called him up out of the blue because she thought he was her father. However, he reassured me that it couldn’t have been the case because he wasn’t having sex at the time.

I’m thinking – why is he telling me this story? What is the point? Finally, the date ended when he said that he thought the first date should be “short and sweet.” He then proceeded to tell me he was going to walk home in the cold (he lived a couple of miles away) and ran off.

See You at Dunkin’

Background: I had been writing back and forth on Jdate with “Moishe” for a couple of weeks, and he FINALLY asked me out!  I said yes, and then we started talking details.dunkin donuts

He emailed..

“wanna meet for a coffee and chat and then if we click maybe we can hang out somewhere

if you would like that Dunkin donuts in natick is good”

(He lives in Framingham, which is 5 minutes from Natick.  I live in Brookline, 45 minutes away.)

My Thoughts:  Sure, the location that’s closest to YOUR house, and NOWHERE near me? How about you come to meet me?  Or, even half way?  Chivalry is NOT dead!

And, Dunkin’ Donuts?  I love you, Dunkin’, but you’re not a great atmosphere for a date.  It IS a down economy, but maybe splurge on Starbucks?  I know, I’m asking a lot.  There are usually Starbucks on every corner — here’s a map if you need help locating one.  :-)

My Response: “I’m really sorry, but I’m feeling sick today, so won’t be able to get together. I’ll let you know when I’m better and can get together.”

(By the way, while I was searching for an image for this post, I came across this photo.  Maybe he thought this was me?  Well, THAT would explain his desire for Dunkin!)

dunkin nudie