The 15 Minute Date

This guy actually started out pretty promising!  Here was his 1st email to me:

(blue = boy; pink = girl, black = my thoughts)

I noticed you were looking for some specifics in your profile and just thought I should get back to you.

1. Active and adventurous in spirit? Check!
2. Open, honest, fun, open to doing new things? Check!
3. Funny, intelligent, like the outdoors (not too crunchy)? Check!
4. Supportive, motivated, good listener, a get-up-and-go person? Check!
5. Someone who can plan, take care of someone every now and then? Check!
(also – I’m completely open to your requirement to having a Jewish home)

I have 43 things I am looking for in a parter. Someone who is adventurous is pretty high on my list and your charity bike ride sounds like a real adventure.

Would you be willing to complete my application? ;P

Wow!  First of all, he actually read my profile! (Just as an FYI, I didn’t list out all the items like that in my profile, but he combed through my essay and picked them out).  Big points there.  And, he seemed to meet what I’m looking for!

I was so excited when I got his email, that I actually IM’d him back instead of emailing.  I don’t think I’ve ever done that actually.  I really wished I kept a copy of the IM session, but here’s the gist:

Thanks so much for writing and taking the time to read through my profile! 

You’re welcome!

So, you are looking for 43 things in a woman? (I sort of assumed he was kidding about there actually being 43).  What are your top 3?

1. Someone caringNon-sensible shoes

2. Someone with a sense of style

3. Someone who likes to travel

Someone with a sense of style?  What do you mean by that?

I like women who like to be fashionable.  For example women who wear non-sensible shoes.

Really? Really, meaning “this is in your top 3 things”??  But, IM is tough, and it’s possible he’s being sarcastic.  I really didn’t know what the deal was!  But, still… potential Bad Sign #1

The rest of the conversation was totally normal, and we made plans to meet. I really prefer coffee or a drink as a first date, to minimize the time spent if it’s not right. And, I find that most guys do too, especially since they’re usually the ones paying.  But, he suggested dinner, so I said OK!

I showed up, and he was already sitting at the table.  He didn’t stand up to greet me, or even shake my hand.  Bad sign #2.  Then for the next 10 minutes, I sat there sweating because I had just walked from home and was still hot. He made no effort to get the waitress for me to order a drink (he had gotten there early, so already had a drink and a water). Bad sign #3.  During that 10 minutes, and after my drink finally came, the conversation was a total strain.

How is your week going so far?  Good. Did you do anything exciting?  Not really.

Have you been here before? No. Do you come to Brookline much? Sometimes.

He was just VERY awkward, and seemed like he was missing some social skills, including his bizarre stare. I was really dreading the next hour-plus that I’d be sitting there eating dinner with this guy. And, decided to do something I’ve never done before. I ended the date before we even ordered the food!

I decided that I’d rather do it quickly, rather than waste both of our time and money.

I know this is going to sound bad, but I know myself really well, and I just don’t see that we’re a good fit. And I don’t want to waste your time or money. So, I’d prefer to just end the date now.  

I put down $5 for the soda and left.

Poor guy. I know it must have sucked to hear that.  But, my guess is he was probably feeling the same thing.  And, hopefully was happy to know now, instead of after paying $50 for dinner, and wasting an evening.

What do you think of my decision to leave the date? Have you ever done that?  Or had that done to you?

  • http://twitter.com/DatingRev Ross Felix

    I’ve been on way too many bad dates over the years. I honestly wish more women had done this… hell, I almost wish *I* had done this. Then again, it’s also the reason that my female friends told me I was absolutely insane to always suggest dinner dates.

    I switched to drinks, frozen yogurt, or in general things that would be 45 minutes or less, but could be extended if things went really well. The other piece of advice I got, was leaving them wanting more. Just because drinks went very well, doesn’t mean you should transition to dinner. Linger over the drinks a bit, and make it clear that you’d like to see them again. Call the next day and make plans.

    But yeah… this boy’s got no game. I’m proud of you for bailing when you did AND putting down money.

    My question — did he follow up with an email?

    • RidiculousDatingStories

      Nope, no followup! I thought I’d come home to a nastygram, but nothing. He actually took it pretty well when I told him, too.

  • Arkurzman

    Rachel, this sounds similar to a date I had. It was a really hot day last summer during the water ban. (Was that last summer?) We met at Starbucks in Newton Center. I had called first to see if they had coffee, and they said they were importing it from another town so it was no problem. When I got there, I was super hot and sweaty. He did not offer to get me a drink, so I went up to the counter. As it turned out, they not only were out of coffee but they were also out of cold drinks of any kind. The place was empty, but he proceeded to sit down at the far end of the place in chairs that faced out the window instead at each other … the seats were also directly outside of the bathroom, which he then excused himself to use, while I sat right outside the door. He came back and sat down, without suggesting we go somewhere else. He answered all my questions with one word. After a few minutes, I stood up, said “nice to meet you, I’m going to head over to JP Licks to see if they have any cold drinks.” And then I left.

    • RidiculousDatingStories

      Ha ha, awesome! You’re such a cheap date! :-)

  • Davidson Jill11

    Love it. Honesty is always the best. Maybe it will spread some courage around this dating world. You are inspiring!

    • RidiculousDatingStories

      :-) Thanks Jill!

  • http://thirtytwothousanddays.com/ Jack Bennett | 32000 days

    Your candor (some might say bluntness) is impressive. But better that than a tedious conversation that you know is going nowhere.

    • RidiculousDatingStories

      Exactly.

  • Dave

    Good stuff!

  • desertdates.wordpress

    What shoes were you wearing? Maybe he for realz had a shoe fetish and your shoes were just too sensible? I know I’m late to this conversation but just discovered your blog and love it!

    • RidiculousDatingStories

      Ha ha, maybe! I doubt he even noticed, considering he didn’t even get up from the table to greet me :)